Condition your beard.

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The 3 minutes this will add to your shower routine could just lead to 2x that in make-out time.

6 minute make-out?! Say WHHHAT?!

Okay, I know that’s not impressive. I don’t really know if women will make-out with you longer; I really just want a much softer experience. Kissing a guy with a beard can be really rough, usually when its shorter–the ‘scruff’. Now I know I sound like a baby right now but seriously, the red, rash-like spot it leaves on my chin can’t be all that attractive to look at either.

A friend of mine compared kissing a bearded guy to kissing “that metal thing you scrub pots with”. STEEL WOOL. Steel wool is what she was talking about. That shit can cut you.

The solution lies in conditioner. But how would I know–I don’t have a beard. My brother (the owner of an unruly beard *see photo* (it’s much wilder now than it is in that photo)) told me he conditions his beard. Actually he said “Of course I do.” I didn’t know that was a thing. Do guys do this? Apparently not the ones I know. I touched his beard and yup–so soft.

I now proceed to ask every man I meet who has a beard if he conditions it. Most look at me strangely. It doesn’t matter if I barely know them, I’ll begin convincing them they need to use conditioner. I don’t know if anyone is listening…but I believe I am saving girls faces one conditioned beard at a time.